There's some crazy, crazy shit going down with teledildonics patents right now, and it's bringing out much bigger names than I ever would've thought. For those of you that have been reading Slashdong for a while, you've probably heard me talk about the odd "anonymous texas billionaire" that funded a troll patent on teledildonics. I was never actually sure if this was true, but hey, other bloggers said it, and we never lie, right? Right? Besides, I figured if I fucked up, I'd get one of those nice cease and desist letters that means you're doing something right.

Anyways, I'd always questioned this story in the back of my mind, because it seemed like Immersion, the 800 pound gorilla of all things shakey, should've claimed ownership on this. Immersion, for those of you that aren't familiar, are the world's largest haptics patent holders. Like, 200+ international patents ranging from force feedback to medical systems to haptic web browsing software. It's what they do, and they do it a BUNCH.

The last big news on Immersion was their suit against both Microsoft and Sony for their force feedback features in controllers for their consoles. If you want to read about the nitty gritty, check out the Immersion v. Sony Wikipedia Article. Short version: Immersion made a metric shitton of cash by nutpunching the big boys of the game industry. Like, the 100's of millions flavor of shitton.

Now that Immersion is rollin' phat on vibrating dueces, everyone wants to come looking for a bit of their cash. For instance, Microsoft countersued, which leads to more legal mumbo jumbo that you can google on your own fucking time. However, some other companies more interesting to the topic of this website have shown up too.

TechDirt is now reporting that Internet Services, LLC (ISLLC), is trying to grab part of Immersions take from the haptics lawsuits. How? Well, ISLLC is the legal whip cracker on teledildonics patents! And what is most modern teledildonics if not force feedback applied to specific parts of the body, eh? ISLLC was licensed the patents and given the right to sue teledildonics companies for patent infringement on Immersions behalf, so Immersion didn't have to crawl through the PR cesspool that is teledildonics. (Ed. Note: Really, guys, come on in to the cesspool! The water's fine!)

Now ISLLC is all butthurt (legal term) about not getting cash, since they're basically a shell for Immersion's legal weaponry. But, it doesn't even stop there! All of the craziness and blog posts aren't about the original case, but the fact that ISLLC's hired attourney is now trying to leave the case, and there's yet ANOTHER lawsuit going on over ISLLC trying to keep said attourney on the case, thus getting EVERYONE more press.

Good motherfucking times, people. Honestly, I have no idea what this means for teledildonics, patents, or whatever else. Obviously, there was a rallying cry of "prior art! prior art!" on the teledildonics patents, but if the patents were/are owned by Immersion, then there goes that idea. 'course, this is still applying only to vibrating toys as a form of feedback, too. I don't believe there's any patent on thrusting toys, since it's just a remotely controlled linear actuator. However, I am so not a lawyer (just in case the use of the term "butthurt" made you think otherwise).

Via TechDirt (Aww, and look at the first comment on the post! Thanks guys!) and The Prior Art

More info also at Boing Boing Gadgets